We have two poodles, a guy named Molokai and a girl named Topanga (as in Topanga from “Boy Meets World”)—and I want to get rid of them. I don’t hate them, but I don’t love them.

I want to sell them and then use the money to buy an ugly pug, which I will name Fug, as in Fug the Pug, who will also answer to Fugly or Fugliness. Honeybun and I saw this ugly pug in Bio Research and I swear that he’s been there for months already. The Persian cats and the Chihuahuas have all been sold already, and the poor, ugly pug is still there. I think I’m the only one who wants to buy him.

If only they’d give me a discount…

My dream is to own a pug and tie a huge ribbon around his neck.