HISS-TERICAL

Last week, I was in domestic divo mode so I spent a whole day organizing my stuff, figuring out what to throw away and rearranging furniture. While I was vacuuming, the sight of a dead lizard about to be sucked by my cleaner made me jump and drop the vacuum. After 2 seconds, I realized that it was actually a dead snake in front of me. I was eew-ing for a good 2 minutes – until I realized it was just snakeskin. I felt better. And then my eyeballs popped out upon the realization that it was actually worse. Snakeskin meant the snake was alive – and could be just inside the room!

I froze on my track and didn’t know what to do that I ended up standing on a stool in the middle of the room for an hour or so, trying to eye the yucky animal. No luck.

Our maid, Belle, told me that snakes hate the smell of oregano leaves so she stole some from the neighbor and I sprinkled the crushed leaves all over the room to see if the reptile would slither out of his hiding place. After a couple of more hours and still no slithereen in sight, I gave up.

The big problem was where Honeybun and I would sleep that night. After considering so many factors, we ended up sleeping in our room still – with the bed pushed to the middle (I thought not being near the walls would prevent the snake from joining us) and the light left on. We actually didn’t get a lot of sleep, waking up every 5 minutes or so and checking the floor and the corners for some hissing presence.

The highlight though was when I finally got lost in la-la land and was suddenly jolted awake by a passionately screaming Honeybun, who was also jumping on the bed while pointing at a certain direction where she supposedly heard the snake hissing and making this bubbling sound. After 5 seconds, I realized something and let out a laugh and then I told her that I recently changed my message alert tone to this bubbling sound, which was I was very sure of what she actually heard.

Two weeks have passed and while we’ve been hearing my bubbling text tone several times now, we still haven’t glanced at the snake. I hope it remains this way.