EVERYTHING

Years ago, I wanted to do everything. Read everything, watch everything, eat everything, try everything, listen to everything, meet everyone, go everywhere.

At some point, I actually did do almost everything.

And now – now that I am older, a little tired, a little less adventurous, a little more safe – I don’t want to do everything anymore. I want to do fewer things. I now know what I want.

Sometimes, I find it weird and somewhat backward how I limit myself. I don’t want to try new things anymore. I am okay with the few people around me. I don’t want to go out and be in the scene and air kiss everyone anymore. And it’s not as if I’ve done everything already. I simply don’t want to do everything anymore. And I sometimes still feel like that’s not a good thing.

I guess I’m getting to know myself better. I guess I just really know what I want right now so I don’t “waste” time doing other things.

Still, I get jealous of the perfect ones: the one who has all the time in the world for everything, the one who overachieves and looks great while he’s at it, the one who doesn’t exert effort yet receives so much for his lack of effort, the one who is so rich she can do everything.

What’s up with all the jealousy and the bitterness?

Well, I think I want to do everything again.

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