I never wanted it to turn out like this. Like he’s some ex-boyfriend I just can’t acknowledge anymore. I can’t trace the root of it all or review each day we were together and the feelings present during those times. All I know is that there used to be a time when we were getting closer and that we never got to actually be close.

I am saddened. I remember all the moments, those one-on-one talks, those 4-hour phone conversations, all those late nights and laughter. It pains me to realize they belong to the past now. Sometimes I try to think about what happened. Was he responsible for the break-up or was it me? Most of the time I believe it’s the third party, although I refuse to point fingers. After all, I once believed that despite our similarities, we were different when it comes to certain things, which is just normal. Unfortunately, we had different definitions of friendship.

I miss him. He was supposed to be my first-ever straight male best friend.

- Journal entry, August 31, 2000

Saw him recently and it was so weird how we were sideway glancing but not really trying to say hi. I added him in Friendster awhile ago.